Rule #1
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Never say anything in a poem that you wouldn't say in a bar.
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Rule #2
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If you can't be profound be vague.
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Rule #3
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There's a difference between poetry and hebephrenia.
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Rule #4
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McNeilley Dictum #4:
Cut off the last line! This will make your poem better!
(If this doesn't work, keep cutting off the last line.)
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Rule #5
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Never discuss bad poetry with anyone who hasn't read Ferlinghetti.
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Rule #6
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Poetry lies between synonyms.
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Rule #7
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The difference between self-expression and communication is poetry.
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Rule #8
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If you can't spell a word don't use it.
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Rule #9
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The fact that it's bad writing doesn't make it good poetry.
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Rule #10
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Don't emote. Evoke.
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Rule #11
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Linebreaks don't make poetry any more than stuttering does.
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Rule #12
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Try to be understood too quickly.
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Rule #13
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If it doesn't sound like poetry to a Lower Slobovian it probably isn't.
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Rule #14
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Every modern poem must contain at least one em dash abuse.
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Rule #15
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Audiences don't come to use their imaginations. They come to use yours.
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Rule #16
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To each their own taste, even those with none.
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Rule #17
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Don't use clichés. Create them.
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Rule #18
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The Egoless Motto:
"If you don't think your poetry is competing against the works of others you're probably right."
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Rule #19
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Don't worry about your voice until someone is listening.
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Rule #20
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Writing is to poetry as paper is to stone.
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Rule #21
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Poetry isn't about the writer or the reader. It's about everything in between.
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Rule #22
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You aren't a poet until the janitor says you are.
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Rule #23
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The Gerard Ian Lewis Rule:
Triteness is a minor flaw, easily remedied (should nothing else occur to you) by adding a mysterious reference to a goat in the last line.
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Rule #24
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The Elizabeth Alexander Rule:
Poetry's only selling point is that it is cheaper than tear gas.
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Rule #25
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The fact that it's boring doesn't mean it's poetry.
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Rule #26
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We aren't stoned enough for this.
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Rule #27
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The Pistols at Dawn Rule:
Never compare a poet's work to Ferlinghetti's unless you're a better shot than target.
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Rule #28
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The Joan Houlihan Rule:
Any poetry reading longer than 20 minutes is a hostage situation.
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Rule #29
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The merit of your words should exceed the considerable value of silence.
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Rule #30
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Poetry cannot be paraphrased.
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Rule #31
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If you cannot scan verse you cannot imagine free verse.
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Rule #32
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Poetry is a competition with judges and coaches but no performers or fans.
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Rule #33
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Poetry needs to get over itself.
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Rule #34
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Tripe details the unspeakably obvious.
Poetry details the unspeakable obvious.
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Rule #35
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People don't read poetry for the same reason you don't read film scripts.
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Rule #36
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Memory is the difference between storing and misplacing.
Intelligence is the difference between planting and burying.
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Rule #37
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Free versers don't count.
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Rule #38
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There is always a deadline.
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Rule #39
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The Rule of Two and Three:
Two is a contrast.
Three is a trend.
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Rule #40
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Bad poetry haunts the author. Good poetry haunts the reader.
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Rule #41
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Journalism is about what you say.
Poetry is about how you say it.
Diplomacy is about how you avoid saying it.
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Rule #42
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Prose is message. Poetry is words.
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Rule #43
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All those who distinguish between art and audience understand neither.
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Rule #44
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"I want your honest opinion" is never entirely true.
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Rule #45
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Poetry is cheaper and safer than other general anaesthetics.
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Rule #46
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If you ain't getting better you're getting worse.
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Rule #47
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The funny thing about arrogance is where you find it.
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Rule #48
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Writers shouldn't write better than readers can read.
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Rule #49
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It's not too clever to appear so.
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Rule #50
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The 50-50 Rule: Fewer than 1 in 50 can recite a poem written in the last 50 years.
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Rule #51
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Denial is not a cure.
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Rule #52
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Poetry used to have fans. Now it has constituencies.
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Rule #53
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Defining poetry by content is like trying to grab a drowning donkey by its bubbles.
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Rule #54
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A picture contains a thousand words. A poem contains a thousand pictures.
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Rule #55
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Prosodists aren't shamans or mystics. They are coroners and accountants.
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Rule #56
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Fewer people know the fundamentals of poetry than the rudiments of Klingon.
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Rule #57
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"It's more fun if you take it seriously." (Pearl's Paradox)
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Rule #58
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No meritocracy ever survived a vote.
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Rule #59
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Practice does not make perfect. Practice makes permanent.
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Rule #60
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We hold these truths to be, like, duh.
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Rule #61
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Your ear is brighter than your brain.
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Rule #62
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Poetry bears repeating.
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Rule #63
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Poetry used to be a challenge to write and easy to read. Now it's the opposite.
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Rule #64
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As goes contemporary, so goes classical.
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Rule #65
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Imagine how dull the world would be if you or I were the most interesting thing in it.
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Rule #66
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Bad actors pause for breath. Good actors pause for thought.
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Rule #67
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"Forgettable poetry" is an oxymoron.
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Rule #68
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Few who teach Shakespeare have learned anything from him.
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Rule #69
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Poetry is an act of consumption, not production.
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Rule #70
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There has never been a better time to be a bad poet,
never a worse time to be a good one.
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Rule #71
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Poetry is about poems, not poets.
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Rule #72
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Introducing your work as "poetry" is like a hunter firing off a warning shot.
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Rule #73
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Those who believe in criticism without criticism
usually believe in poetry without poetry.
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Rule #74
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Would you buy a car from someone whose sales pitch amounted to
an argument that the thing in front of you is, in fact, a car?
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Rule #75
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Science is where superstitions go to die.
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Rule #76
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Good poetry is memorable. Great poetry is unforgettable.
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Rule #77
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If you have to ask its meaning
a poem has already failed.
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Rule #78
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If you have to tell me it's a poem it isn't.
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Rule #79
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Novice poets don't have a style.
Experienced poets don't want one.
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Rule #80
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You will learn more from the critique that you give than the critique you receive.
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Rule #81
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Inspiration has a date of expiration.
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Rule #82
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What trips off the tongue lands in our memory.
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Rule #83
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One who compromises on wit becomes a half.
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Rule #84
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Rehearse until it seems unrehearsed.
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Rule #85
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Today, the poet with five readers can envy the exclusivity of the one with three.
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Rule #86
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Bad poets may argue that words have no meaning. Theirs certainly don't.
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Rule #87
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People reread stories because they forgot the words. People reread poetry because they remember them.
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Rule #88
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If no one is in for a penny then no one is in for a pound.
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Rule #89
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If you can't be famous be infamous.
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Rule #90
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Education empowers creativity.
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Rule #91
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We can sell crap to a lazy ignoramus. We can't sell crap by a lazy ignoramus.
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Rule #92
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What can mean anything means nothing.
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Rule #93
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Try not to blur the distinction between aesthetics and anaesthetics.
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Rule #94
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Chris Richardson's American Ido effect: "Being bad includes not knowing you're bad."
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Rule #95
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"Now that phone booths are gone will poets stop trying to fill them?"
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Rule #96
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"Avant garde" is beyond pretentious. It is pretension itself.
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Rule #97
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Don't ask what it means. Ask if and why it will be remembered.
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Rule #98
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Authorial intent is to poetry what creationism is to science.
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Rule #99
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The Bachmann Question: "How can we tell where the disingenuity ends and the stupidity begins?"
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Rule #100
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We can work with the clueless. We can't work with the clueproof. (Be teachable.)
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Rule #101
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Those who can't do...preach.
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Rule #102
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What is fashionable can never be original.
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Rule #103
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Poets not jealous of Maz have the most reason to be.
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Rule #104
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Ignorance isn't the sin that laziness is.
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Rule #105
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On Originality: The question isn't: "Have I seen this before?" The question is: "Do I want to see this again?"
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Rule #106
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Shakespeare's Law: "If you don't know how poetry is performed you don't know how it is written."
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Rule #107
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There are no rules, only tools and fools.
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Rule #108
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People avoid today's poetry for the same reason psychotherapists charge money.
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Rule #109
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I'm a big fan of my work. Sadly, others have better taste.
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Rule #110
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If poetry wants more fans it will need more heir conditioning.
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Rule #111
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Do not confuse wilful ignorance and opinion.
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Rule #112
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Anyone can be awful but if you want to be shockingly so you need to go first.
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Rule #113
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Did you know that poetry is a spectator sport?
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Rule #114
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Nobody Reads Poetry
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Rule #115
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There is no more certain proof that poetry
is dead than the need to deny it.
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Rule #116
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While alive, poetry was art. Now it is religion.
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Rule #117
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People don't call what they read "prose" and they don't read what we call "poetry".
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Rule #118
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History is politics.
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Rule #119
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[When writing...] Show, don't tell. [When performing...] Tell, don't show.
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Rule #120
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Write for audiences, not readers.
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Rule #121
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Common sense is not an open-book test.
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Rule #122
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Poetry isn't what you write. It's what others remember hearing.
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Rule #123
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Trying to sell poetry today is like trying to sell scripts in a civilization without theaters.
(Pssst! You have to build the theaters first.)
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Rule #124
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What are you afraid of learning?
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Rule #125
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Vicious cycle warning! Learning breeds curiosity. And vice versa.
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Rule #126
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Poetry is an effect, not a cause, not an affect.
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Rule #127
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A poem is rarely about its topic.
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Rule #128
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Honesty is just a lack of imagination.
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Rule #129
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Lies tell us twice as much as the truth.
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Rule #130
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The wise learn more from fiction than fools from fact.
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Rule #131
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Poetry isn't about saying something original. It's about saying something originally.
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Rule #132
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You don't have to be clever, just slightly less stupid than everyone else.
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Rule #133
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Nothing good ever followed the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
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Rule #134
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News is what doesn't happen.
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Rule #135
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If everything is art then nothing is art.
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Rule #136
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How to read poetry: Rule #1: Don't. (Instead, listen to it.)
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Rule #137
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"Poetry readings" is an oxymoron.
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Rule #138
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The one lesson that can be learned only by reading poetry is that we should be listening to poetry.
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Rule #139
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Mixing politics and art yields neither.
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Rule #140
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Too much clarity has the same effect on pseudointellectuals as too much sunlight has on vampires.
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Rule #141
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Poetry is its own ambassador.
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Rule #142
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Tell me the fable, not the moral.
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Rule #143
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Common sense isn't just a myth. It's an oxymoron.
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Rule #144
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Truth is the most effective lie.
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Rule #145
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The story is the story.
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Rule #146
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The teller is the story.
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Rule #147
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You can't invent what you can't imagine.
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Rule #148
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Quality is not a genre.
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Rule #149a
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When arts die they turn into hobbies. - Michael Lind
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Rule #149b
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When arts die they turn into lobbies. - Pearl Gray
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Rule #150
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"Poetry is the original digital art; its audience tends to be in the digits." - Michael Lind
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Rule #151
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Poetry ≠ Email From Rehab
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Rule #152
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Why do you think teleprompters were invented?
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Rule #153
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Prose is timely. Poetry is timeless.
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Rule #154
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From childhood, humans are conditioned to fall asleep when you read to them.
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Rule #155
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Poetry. It isn't just prose you agree with.
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Rule #156
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Never accuse anyone of being a poet. They might know a lawyer.
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Rule #157
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There is no such thing as a little candor.
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Rule #158
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The Tsendoku Law: The number of poetry publications read is lower than the number sold.
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Rule #159
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"Maybe it was a slow news day. Poetry has a lot of those."
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Rule #160
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You can't sell books shorter than 25 words.
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Rule #161
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"All a real editor needs is clean copy, dirty graphics, a nearby printing press and a corrupt janitor."
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Rule #162
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Satire should be funny, not just silly.
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Rule #163
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Poetry isn't homework.
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Rule #164
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"To be useful in classrooms poetry must be accessible without being accessible."
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Rule #165
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Your greatest ability is your available.
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Rule #166
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If the audience is not your first concern then you will be their last.
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Rule #167
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Whether or not critique is constructive depends on how the author uses it, not on the manner in which it's phrased." - John Boddie (on Gazebo)
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Rule #168
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Postmodernism is incoherent solipsism.
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Rule #169
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Poetry can be about anything. Poetry is about everything.
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Rule #170
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Better is different enough.
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Rule #171
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The only thought more frightening than poetry being dead is the notion that this is poetry being alive.
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Rule #172
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Most poetry isn't.
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Rule #173
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Get better. Not bitter.
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Rule #174
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Good causes. Bad verses.
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Rule #175
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Poetry's status quo: Those who perform cannot write; those who write cannot perform; those who learn cannot teach; and, those who teach cannot learn.
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Rule #176
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Piracy is advertising.
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Rule #177
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Poetry is the mathematics of language.
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Rule #178
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If you can tell it's poetry it's not. - Pearl's Paradox #2
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Rule #179
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The lack of an aesthetic is, itself, an aesthetic. - Pearl's Paradox #3
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Rule #180
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People who finish every project don't conceive many.
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Rule #181
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Shakespeare's Question: "'Pandering'? WTF do you think I was doing?"
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Rule #182
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"Poetry is a well-planned accident." - Pearl's Paradox #4
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