- General Ferdinand Foch (to General Joffre during Battle of the Marne)
If you've been overwhelmed by the facts and depressed by the cheerleading in the "Why is modern poetry so bad?" thread, please take a break and watch one of these prime time television shows:
- Duck Dynasties - The thrills surrounding a mom-and-pop business selling duck calls and decoys.
- Storage Wars - People buy the contents of storage lockers. Like a garage sale, minus the excitement.
- Toddlers and Tiaras - "As if little girls with hairspray, helmet hair, and clown makeup wasn't unsettling enough, one look at the crazy mothers behind these beauty pageants and it makes Kate Gosselin seem normal."
- Extreme Couponing - You know, like, in a store. No, really.
- Bridalplasty - "Self-described as 'The only competition where the winner gets cut,' in this reality show brides-to-be compete in wedding related challenges to see who will win all the plastic surgery she desires for the big day."
- My Super Sweet 16 - Girl cries because her father bought her the wrong Lexus.
- Rosanne's Nuts - Watching macadamia nuts grow on a farm.
If you aren't cursing then you didn't watch any of these shows. Otherwise, you must be wondering: "Is there a point to this?"
Answer: Certainly not.
However, it does prove that television, at least, has finally sunk so low that even modern poetry may seem attractive by comparison. Granted, contemporary poetry could never compete against a test pattern but I rather like its chances against "Here Comes Honey f*cking Boo Boo". Consider a poetry show along the lines of "Lower Slobovia (or whatever your country is) Has Talent". Three judges score a bunch of wannabes. We'll call the show "It Could Be Verse".
Of course, we must fulfill both of the stringent requirements for a pilot in the thousand-channel universe:
1. It's gotta be cheap.
No problem. We just need 3 chairs, one GoPro and a corrupt janitor.
2. It must have more viewers than staff.
Alright, #2 might be close but if we're careful to choose contestants from large families and employees from The Lonely Hearts Club we should be okay.
What say you?